True Christian Marriage

If my marriage is supposed to be about something bigger than my own happiness, what is it actually for?

Paul and the Pastor both point back to the garden, where God saw that Adam was alone and did something about it. The purpose of marriage isn't self fulfillment, it's companionship, children, and a picture of Christ and the church.

Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Out of the ground Yahweh God formed every animal of the field, and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. Whatever the man called every living creature became its name. The man gave names to all livestock, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field; but for man there was not found a helper comparable to him. Yahweh God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. As the man slept, he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Yahweh God made a woman from the rib which he had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.

Genesis 2:18–24

God said, “Let’s make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the sky, and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them. God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:26–28

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without defect. Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly, because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife. Then the two will become one flesh.” This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and the assembly. Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:25–33

Why does it rub me the wrong way to hear that wives are to submit to their husbands?

Submission sounds like being lesser, and the Pastor insists the scriptures never say that. The pattern he points to isn't rank, it's the Son who gladly does the Father's will.

Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them.

Colossians 3:18–19

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3:28

Have this in your mind, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, didn’t consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to the point of death, yes, the death of the cross.

Philippians 2:5–8

For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me.

John 6:38

What does it actually look like for a husband to love his wife, and not just provide for her?

Paul tells husbands to love and not be harsh, and the Pastor asks whether a man wins the fourth quarter of his day when he comes home. The bar isn't a paycheck, it's knowing her and dealing tenderly with her.

Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them.

Colossians 3:19

You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, as also being joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:7

Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly,…

Ephesians 5:28–29

Yahweh God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”

Genesis 3:9

Does God really care how I treat my spouse, or is that just for people who are into that kind of thing?

The Pastor says these commands come from the Holy Spirit, not just Paul, and that marriage is God's idea from the start. He regulates it, which means the way a husband and wife treat each other is a matter of obedience, not preference.

Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. If a woman herself divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Mark 10:11–12

One who hates and divorces”, says Yahweh, the God of Israel, “covers his garment with violence!” says Yahweh of Armies. “Therefore pay attention to your spirit, that you don’t be unfaithful.

Malachi 2:16