Sunday, September 27 · Crossroads Church
Dust It Off and Do It Again | Rebuilding Community After Being Hurt
Friendship is worth the risk even after it has hurt you, and Jesus's own friendship with Peter shows the habits, vulnerability, friction, and hope that make it possible to try again.
The passages
I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan. You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women.
2 Samuel 1:26
Passing along by the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew, the brother of Simon, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. Jesus said to them, “Come after me, and I will make you into fishers for men.” Immediately they left their nets, and followed him.
Mark 1:16–18
One of the two who heard John and followed him was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. He first found his own brother, Simon, and said to him, “We have found the Messiah!” (which is, being interpreted, Christ). He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon the son of Jonah. You shall be called Cephas” (which is by interpretation, Peter).
John 1:40–42
Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go there and pray.” He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and severely troubled. Then Jesus said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with me.”
Matthew 26:36–38
Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.
Proverbs 27:17
But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me, for you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of men.”
Matthew 16:23
But Peter said, “Man, I don’t know what you are talking about!” Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the Lord’s word, how he said to him, “Before the rooster crows you will deny me three times.” He went out, and wept bitterly.
Luke 22:60–62
So when they had eaten their breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I have affection for you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I have affection for you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you have affection for me?” Peter was grieved because he asked him the third time, “Do you have affection for me?” He said to him, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I have affection for you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.
John 21:15–17
A man of many companions may be ruined, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24
Go deeper
How do I start again with someone after I have been the one who hurt them?
Peter denied knowing Jesus three times in a courtyard and thought the friendship was finished. Jesus came back to him around a fire, not with a lecture but with a question asked three times, which undid the three denials one by one. Peter's restoration is the picture of what it costs to go back to someone you wronged.
But Peter said, “Man, I don’t know what you are talking about!” Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the Lord’s word, how he said to him, “Before the rooster crows you will deny me three times.” He went out, and wept bitterly.
Luke 22:60–62
So when they had eaten their breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I have affection for you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I have affection for you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you have affection for me?” Peter was grieved because he asked him the third time, “Do you have affection for me?” He said to him, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I have affection for you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.
John 21:15–17
He who conceals his sins doesn’t prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Proverbs 28:13
This punishment which was inflicted by the many is sufficient for such a one; so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive him and comfort him, lest by any means such a one should be swallowed up with his excessive sorrow. Therefore I beg you to confirm your love toward him.
2 Corinthians 2:6–8
What do I do when a friend lets me down and I do not know if I can trust them again?
Jesus had every reason to walk away from Peter. He had told Peter plainly what was coming, and Peter still bolted when the night got hard. The breakfast on the shore is Jesus choosing the relationship over the record of the failure.
So when they had eaten their breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I have affection for you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I have affection for you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you have affection for me?” Peter was grieved because he asked him the third time, “Do you have affection for me?” He said to him, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I have affection for you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.
John 21:15–17
Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I don’t tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21–22
…bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do.
Colossians 3:13
And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
Why does real friendship require friction, and why do I run from it?
Jesus called Peter Satan to his face when Peter tried to talk him out of the cross. That is not the end of the friendship, it is the proof that the friendship is real. Friends who only agree with you are well wishers, not friends.
Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.
Proverbs 27:17
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This will never be done to you.” But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me, for you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of men.”
Matthew 16:22–23
But when Peter came to Antioch, I resisted him to his face, because he stood condemned. For before some people came from James, he ate with the Gentiles. But when they came, he drew back and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they didn’t walk uprightly according to the truth of the Good News, I said to Peter before them all, “If you, being a Jew, live as the Gentiles do, and not as the Jews do, why do you compel the Gentiles to live as the Jews do?
Galatians 2:11–14
The wounds of a friend are faithful, although the kisses of an enemy are profuse.
Proverbs 27:6
Is it worth hoping again in a friendship that already failed?
Peter went back to fishing, assuming his role with Jesus was over. Jesus showed up on the shore with breakfast already cooking. Hope in a friendship is not pretending the past did not happen, it is believing the relationship still has a future.
A man of many companions may be ruined, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24
So when they got out on the land, they saw a fire of coals there, with fish and bread laid on it. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish which you have just caught.” Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land, full of one hundred fifty-three great fish. Even though there were so many, the net wasn’t torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and eat breakfast!” None of the disciples dared inquire of him, “Who are you?” knowing that it was the Lord. Then Jesus came and took the bread, gave it to them, and the fish likewise. This is now the third time that Jesus was revealed to his disciples after he had risen from the dead.
John 21:9–14
It is because of Yahweh’s loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his mercies don’t fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22–23
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13