The Four Roles You Were Made to Master

Why is it so hard for men particularly to build real friendships?

Loneliness among men is not a personality flaw; it is a design feature of doing nothing together. David had a friend in Jonathan whose love was unlike any other in his life.

When he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and wouldn’t let him go home to his father’s house any more. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David with his clothing, even including his sword, his bow, and his sash.

1 Samuel 18:1–4

I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan. You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women.

2 Samuel 1:26

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one keep warm alone? If a man prevails against one who is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12

A friend loves at all times; and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant doesn’t know what his lord does. But I have called you friends, for everything that I heard from my Father, I have made known to you.

John 15:15

They continued steadfastly in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and prayer. Fear came on every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. All who believed were together, and had all things in common. They sold their possessions and goods, and distributed them to all, according as anyone had need. Day by day, continuing steadfastly with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread at home, they took their food with gladness and singleness of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. The Lord added to the assembly day by day those who were being saved.

Acts 2:42–47

What does it actually look like to fight the battles I have been avoiding?

David ran toward Goliath while everyone else stood still. Some problems only shrink when somebody moves toward them on purpose, whether the giant is a debt, a conversation, or a habit that has had free rein for years.

When the Philistine arose, and walked and came near to meet David, David hurried and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.

1 Samuel 17:48

Blessed be Yahweh, my rock, who trains my hands to war, and my fingers to battle—…

Psalms 144:1

Yahweh is a man of war. Yahweh is his name.

Exodus 15:3

I looked, and rose up, and said to the nobles, to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, “Don’t be afraid of them! Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.”

Nehemiah 4:14

Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you confessed the good confession in the sight of many witnesses.

1 Timothy 6:12

How do I know what territory God has actually given me to oversee?

David's worst mistake did not begin with Bathsheba; it began with staying home in the spring, when kings go to war. When he stopped expanding and stopped bringing order, his eyes wandered and the rest of his life was never the same.

At the return of the year, at the time when kings go out, David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem.

2 Samuel 11:1

God said, “Let’s make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the sky, and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them. God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:26–28

The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places. Yes, I have a good inheritance.

Psalms 16:6

I went by the field of the sluggard, by the vineyard of the man void of understanding. Behold, it was all grown over with thorns. Its surface was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. Then I saw, and considered well. I saw, and received instruction: a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep, so your poverty will come as a robber and your want as an armed man.

Proverbs 24:30–34

Don’t you know that we will judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life?

1 Corinthians 6:3

Can I be a father figure to someone who is not my own child?

Denny Patton was not Brian Tome's physical father, but he took responsibility for him in high school and Brian would not be where he is without him. David, by contrast, was a poor father to his own sons, and the difference was not biology but whether someone took responsibility.

As you know, we exhorted, comforted, and implored every one of you, as a father does his own children, to the end that you should walk worthily of God, who calls you into his own Kingdom and glory.

1 Thessalonians 2:11–12

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

These words, which I command you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them for a sign on your hand, and they shall be for frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the door posts of your house and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:6–9

Yahweh sent Nathan to David. He came to him, and said to him, “There were two men in one city: the one rich, and the other poor.

2 Samuel 12:1

For though you have ten thousand tutors in Christ, you don’t have many fathers. For in Christ Jesus, I became your father through the Good News.

1 Corinthians 4:15