The Covenant That Binds Us Together

What if I married someone who doesn't share my faith, or I'm dating them now?

Paul writes to people already in that marriage and to people still deciding, and he does not give them the same answer. The believer married to an unbeliever is told to stay and to let the marriage be a witness; the person still choosing is told not to bind themselves that way. Both are in the same chapter, which is why the sermon pointed there twice.

But to the rest I—not the Lord—say, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is content to live with him, let him not leave her. The woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he is content to live with her, let her not leave her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbeliever departs, let there be separation. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

1 Corinthians 7:12–16

Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship do righteousness and iniquity have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what portion does a believer have with an unbeliever?

2 Corinthians 6:14–15

In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, seeing your pure behavior in fear.

1 Peter 3:1–2

Is it my fault my marriage fell apart, and is there anything left for me now?

The sermon ended by saying the past cannot be rewritten, and that is exactly where David stood after his worst decisions. He could not undo what he had done, and he still prayed for a clean heart and a restored spirit. The people in scripture who failed most visibly are the ones who came back to God with the mess still in their hands.

Have mercy on me, God, according to your loving kindness. According to the multitude of your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity. Cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions. My sin is constantly before me. Against you, and you only, I have sinned, and done that which is evil in your sight, so you may be proved right when you speak, and justified when you judge. Behold, I was born in iniquity. My mother conceived me in sin. Behold, you desire truth in the inward parts. You teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness, that the bones which you have broken may rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all of my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Don’t throw me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Uphold me with a willing spirit.

Psalms 51:1–12

I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the great locust, the grasshopper, and the caterpillar, my great army, which I sent among you.

Joel 2:25

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

Why does saying my vows out loud matter so much if I meant them?

Malachi says God was a witness at the wedding, standing there while the promises were made. That means the vow was never only between two people; it was made in front of someone who remembers it. Samson's story shows the other side, a man who followed his eyes and had no covenant to hold him.

Yet you say, ‘Why?’ Because Yahweh has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and the wife of your covenant.

Malachi 2:14

When you vow a vow to God, don’t defer to pay it; for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay that which you vow. It is better that you should not vow, than that you should vow and not pay.

Ecclesiastes 5:4–5

Yahweh, who shall dwell in your sanctuary? Who shall live on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right, and speaks truth in his heart; he who doesn’t slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his friend, nor casts slurs against his fellow man; in whose eyes a vile man is despised, but who honors those who fear Yahweh; he who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and doesn’t change;…

Psalms 15:1–4

Samson went down to Timnah, and saw a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines. He came up, and told his father and his mother, saying, “I have seen a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines. Now therefore get her for me as my wife.” Then his father and his mother said to him, “Isn’t there a woman among your brothers’ daughters, or among all my people, that you go to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines?” Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she pleases me well.”

Judges 14:1–3

What does it look like to actually love my spouse, not just stay married to them?

Paul tells husbands to love the way Christ loved the church, and then he fills it in with ordinary verbs: nourish, cherish, give yourself up. The sermon said your vows become visible in your choices, and this is the passage that spells out what those choices are. Staying under the same roof is not the same as loving the person in the next room.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without defect. Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly, because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife. Then the two will become one flesh.” This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and the assembly. Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:25–33

Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4–7

…doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself; each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others.

Philippians 2:3–4